a look into the not so glamorous side of motherhood. . .

Often times reading blogs, it makes life look so perfect. And most the time its not far from perfect. . . Everything I wanted and dreamed of. But those dreams have the Not so good sides too. 

So as perfect as my last two post have my life seem, let me just give you the other side to my life.
Today I feel very lonely. A single mom. With Zach going to work at 630am and school till 10pm.  I struggle!  How do I juggle two kids? How do I give kypton the attention he once was used to, while Bronx is screaming to be fed.  How to comfort Bronx while kypton is throwing a fit for not letting him go outside when it's dark outside. How to get kypton in the bath and to bed, while Bronx is screaming from a belly ache.
How do you do it? I don't know what the heck im doing? And how to do it alone?
As hard as today as seemed, I know it will get better, there,s always tomorrow to try a little harder.

Sorry if this doesn't make sense.  My emotions are raw and at the surface.
MOTHERHood is hard, yet I wouldn't choose to be anywhere else. 

Im learning everyday, and hopefully kypton will understand that im doing my best to divide my attention equally. And that I love him just as much as I did before, if not more! And hopefully Bronx can feel my love for him, and not just my stress. 

And besides all that, I hope at the end of the day when Zach is home, he can feel my love for him, and not just all my crazy emotions. 

"Be Calm & Carry On"

A Family of FOUR, a Mother of TWO

                                        

Kypton has always been PERFECT in my eyes, and I didn't think I could LOVE him anymore then I already did. . . But there is something about him being a BIG brother, that warms my heart, and brings on a whole new LOVE. 

I LOVE being a Mom of TWO, and a Family of FOUR!

The Birth of Bronco

I don't even know where to start!  This birth couldn't have gone any better.  It was a MILLION times easier then the birth of Kypton.  It was everything I could have imagined, and more! It was simply PERFECT!

At my 37 week appt.  I was dialated to a 3, and 70% effaced( moms will know what that means)  so I was def. getting ready for this baby to come.  My doctor scraped my membranes a little bit, to help me make some more progress.  At 38 weeks I went back in, and was about the same.  My doctor this time scraped my membranes again, but this time my water broke while sitting on his table, at my appt.  So instead of planning on going home, we went straight over to labor and delivery.  All this happened around 830.

So we got over to labor and delivery, got all settled.  Called my mom and Zachs mom to let them know what was going on.  At about 1030 they got my iv going, Pitocin going, and also an antibiotic( i tested Strep B+) Around 145ish the nurse checked me, and I was a 6 and 90%.  So I was thinking it was gonna be a couple more hours or so.  At around 215, I started getting emotional and scared.  I told Zach that I was starting to get uncomfortable, and that I thought I might need to push, to go and get the nurse.

The Nurse came in and checked me, and I was COMPLETE and babies head was close.  So the nurse called my doctor.  My doctor told her that I needed to try and go 20 more min. or so, to make sure I got all of my antibiotic, so that they didn't have to do any blood work on bronco. ( the antibiotic has to be in the body for 4 hours)  So I of course Held through my contractions.  That is NOT a fun feeling! I wanted to push sooo bad!  My doctor finally got there around 240, I pushed through 2 contractions, and little Bronco Zachary was HERE!! It was such a Beautiful Birth, and everything went perfect! 

I will let the pictures speak for themselves!

As I lay here at 330 nursing my sweet angel, I can't help but think about how blessed I am.
this time in our lives, is such a crazy, hectic, sometimes unsure, lonely time.  With Zach working and taking on a huge load at school I often feel like a single mom.  a lot of the time its hard and tiring taking care of two kids, but I can't help but to feel soooo blessed to have three of the BEST boys in my life! Im a lucky girl! 
ZACH- he works so hard for our family.  With such a heavy load between work and school, he always makes sure he gets time with us.  I LOVE watching Kypton and him wrestle and play, they have such a sweet bond.
KYPTON- he makes me happier than anything in this world.  As hard and wild as he can be sometimes, I,ve been blessed with a really good kid.  He's the little man of my house right now, and as his mom he makes me feel pretty darn special. He helps out so much, and listens so well(most the time) but he's such a happy go lucky boy, and he can't help but put a smile on my face!
BRONCO- its been so fun having a little piece of heaven in my home.  I can't help but hold him and feel so close to my Heavenly Father.  To know that not too long ago my Heavenly Father was holding the same little baby as me, WOW what a special thing.  Bronx is also such a special blessing.  I LOVE the thought of having two little boys running around.  I get so excited thinking about how kypton and Bronx will interact, and Kypton taking his little bud under his wings.  I love being the only girl, and knowing I have 3 amazing boys that will take care of me.  My heart is soo full of happiness. So as hard as this time might seem in our lives, I know im blessed and couldn't be happier!

Bronco "Bronx" Zachary Walker

Bronco Zachary Walker

I know its been forever since I've Blogged, but I need to remember these moments in my life!

Its hard taking the time to blog, when you have a crazy almost 2 year old runnin around.

Also NOT to mention that i'm stuck at home with out a computer eveyday.  

BUT I have to mention the arrival of my Baby Boy!

BRONX made his debut on Feb. 27th 2012 @ 2:50 PM

His Birth couldn't have gone any better!

He weighed in at a WHOPPING 6 lbs 2 oz. (soo tiny)

and 20 in. 

We're so excited to have him in our family.

I love having 2 little boys (3 including my husband) and Me being the only girl!

I feel like I have 3 men in my life that will take care of me!

I will Post my Birth Story once I get my pictures back!

But for NOW Enjoy the self taken pictures!